Wait! What's Happening?

I wonder if I'll ever hit a parenting groove with the kids and get to ride that confidence wave for an impressive distance. Most likely not. It is some scientific law of parenting that as soon as you figure out the patterns and needs of your child, they change.

As Selah Grace is settling into being very TWO and Josiah is rapidly growing from newborn into new baby into baby, I'm constantly racing to catch up with the program and their needs. What do I do to figure it out?
1. I watch my kids. I chart things and look for patterns. I try to pinpoint a theme to what is happening so it can be anticipated and "cut off at the pass", if you will.
2. I read. Lots. When I don't know what's going on with one of them I spend their nap periods in the index of parenting books and blogs and try to find an answer. Even when there isn't an answer it is helpful just to know that you aren't the only parent to encounter this seemingly crazy thing. Support in solidarity.
3. I get anxious and uptight and then finally, slowly, I relax. I let it go. I enjoy my kids and their little needs and personalities and stop worrying so much about doing it the "right way". The benefit of reading so much is realizing there are so many schools of thought about parenting that there isn't one right way. There's just the right way for you and your family.

Favorite Baby Book:
Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. I love her. It's a good marriage of the Babywise stuff that is too strict for me (trying to follow BW made me feel like a crazy person) and the Sears stuff that I find too wishy-washy. I like her practical suggestions for firmly organizing your baby's sleeping and eating in a way that patiently parents them through it. Chat strands on her website are also super helpful too, if only for the moral support of parenting.

Favorite Toddler Book:
Nurture by Nature. This is a book based on the Myers Briggs personality spectrum. I'm 99.999% sure my toddler is an ISFJ (introverted, sensing, feeling, judging). This book gives an insightful look into how personality types expresses itself in kiddos and practical ways to address specific needs for that type. Seriously revolutionized my day-to-day moments with Selah.

Favorite Overall Parenting Book:
Boundaries with Kids. They should pass this book out at the hospital. Such a freeing book for parents to back away from the crazy instead of engage in it.

I'm taking any suggestions for good parenting resources if you have something you just love!

What's to Show For It?

There is much satisfaction from working hard and in return having something tangible and shiny to show for it. A trophy of sorts to affirm your efforts and say, "job well done".

When you're in the business of character and mind development of kids there is usually no way to measure the progress and worth of one day. As a SAHM and a math teacher, Nate and I had the following conversation this evening:

me the SAHM: I just feel frustrated that I'm managing them [our children] all day and working so hard at it and have nothing to show for it but a mess!

Nate the teacher: At least you get loved all day. I'm constantly managing ungrateful teenagers and all I have to show for it is three extra gray hairs.

Parenting. Teaching. These are jobs of endurance and hope. The daily battles for a long-term goal, progress benchmarks so gradual you can't see them in real-time.

When all we can see at the end of the day are dirty dishes and new gray hairs it's good to remember that proverbial drops in the ocean were made. We're in the long-term business of forming people.

All Little Girls Are Princesses

Shirley Temple knew. All girls are princesses. It is an intrinsic knowledge in little girls, I am certain. The knowledge that they are beautiful. That they are lovely. That they have power and influence. That they bring joy just by being alive. That knowledge just gets lost sometimes as princesses grow older and years of the world whispering otherwise makes them question or forget. It's fun to watch a two year old who still, undeterred by age, believes that princesses are beautiful. That she is a princess. That she is beautiful.

Selah Grace teeters and clomps down the hallway in plastic pumps that sparkle and light up. Every once in a while she just has to put on her tutu and wave her magic wand gleefully squealing, "magic, MAGic, MAGIC!"

This morning she climbed into our bed to show me the Snow White band-aid on her forehead, exclaiming, "Look! Snow White! Don't worry Mama! Her prince will come!"

This afternoon she asked Nate to draw her a prince and a princess together. When he did she joyfully declared, "The princess and the prince! He right by her! Her fream COME FRUE!"

Yes, we'll be encouraging her not to sit around and wait for a prince in life. But, yes, we'll be encouraging her to remember that she IS a princess. She is beautiful and determined. Powerful and influential. Lovely and wise and brings joy to the world simply by being in it.

I hope that she will remember that ALL little girls (including her) are princesses for a long time to come.

The Power of Choice

Choice. It's a powerful thing. Last year I attended a mommy session where a children's play therapist talked about positively disciplining children through offering them choices that are within the confines of your boundaries as a parent. I whole-heartedly believe this has saved our little family a slack-heap of stressful and frustrating situations.

Toddlers really want to be in control. (Something I absolutely understand!) But there is so little in the circumstances of their day they have any control over. If it were up to Selah Grace, Daddy would never have to leave for work and we'd spend every day building sandcastles at the beach. Now that you mention it, if Nate could have his way, that sounds about right....

Choices give a toddler a sense of autonomy and control of their world. I find myself continually spouting choice statements throughout the day to a little person who is still so new to life. Healthy life choices. Cause and Effect.

"Do you want to pick out an outfit for today or do you want mama to choose?"
"If you choose to scream over sleeping baby, then you choose a time out."
"It's okay to be upset, but hitting is not okay. You can choose to stomp your feet or choose to snuggle your pillow instead."

I think all of this empowering the toddler to be a respectful, helpful, empowered, self-thinker is working. Selah Grace has an absolute LOVELY disposition and is such a joy to parent. But lately I'm getting stuck on my choice statements. She's not even 2 and a half yet, but it feels like we're nearing 3, because most of the time she is too smart for her own britches and offers up a third way.

Example:
Mama - "It's time for lunch! Do you choose hotdog or a peanut butter and honey sandwich?"
Selah Grace - "Um...I choose CHIPS!"
Mama - "That's not one of the choices right now. You can have hotdog or a pb sandwich."
Selah Grace - "I want peabub bubbar and honeeeeeeey......umm....and CHIPS!"

So here we are. Just when I was getting the hang of choice statements and feeling good about them. Now we're navigating new territory together. Choice statements and compromises.

In the end she did have a pb sandwich...and some chips. Cassava chips. Because I'm the mama and even though in the end she has choices and compromises, I'm the one maintaining the boundaries.

But what to do when they choose to not choose your choices? What comes after the choices?

Sleep Nest

Selah Grace is a champion sleeper. She has been for quite some time. Recently we took the crib face off her bed and traded it for the toddler rail. Honestly we were avoiding this transition because we thought it was going to be a lot of work parenting her through it and we're tired. But she's a champ and the switch didn't wrinkle a feather.

I heard Super Nanny say that children shouldn't have any toys to distract them in their beds so they know their bed is for sleeping, not playing. Oops. These days Selah has turned her bed into a nest. She sleeps on top of and underneath mounds of treasures she has deamed as needing to be in her bed. Being the routine-driven, meticulously observant child that she is, Selah instantly knows what is missing from her bed when Mama tries to tidy up and requests them back until conditions are perfect.

It looks terribly uncomfy to me. I have to pull the sheet taught each night before getting in bed otherwise the slightest wrinkle keeps me awake. But it is her sleep nest and she loves it. I added up the items and it is shocking there's any room left for her!

Sleep Nest:
-2 adult pillows (reclaimed by her from Nate's side of the bed)
-1 throw pillow
- clean cloth diaper
- Cabbage Patch doll, Hallie Miriam
- footy pajama
- stuffed puppy
- stuffed kitty
- 3 blankies
- pacifier
- corduroy jumper
- stickers earned for potty training

Sorry, Super Nanny. It works for her. Since she sleeps 12 hours a night and takes 2-3hour naps, this Mama isn't going to fight it!

So, how's the bathroom remodel going?

It's not. Not at the moment anyway. It felt like the end was in sight. We finally found a vanity we both liked. Tile was all cut and in place. We agreed on a mirror and lived to tell the tale. As Nate was finishing grouting the shower tile he felt a weird sensation in his fingers. He was doing it with his hands, not the trowel because part of the shower is pebble tile and it is too bumpy. Weird sensation gave way to fierce burning and one urgent care visit later he was left with chemically burned fingertips and a great big grouting mess. Now we're waiting for his hands to heal so the work can resume. Bathroom remodel is not going according to plan, but isn't that the way remodeling goes? So maybe we're right on beat. We did learn one great thing from this unfortunate mess: urgent care co-pay is only $5! No ER trips for this family. That's the expensive co-pay. We're going to urgent care!

"I don't want to be the Wal-Mart mom!"

Thanks to my dear friend for that tag line after she ran 9months big pregnant after her 2yr old who was tearing down the road squealing with delight.

And just by reading the title you already have an image in your mind. Harried. Disheveled. Frantic. Demanding from their toddler, "Why!" Swearing up and down the blue and gray aisles that if kids don't behave soon they'll never see the light of day again!

Yeah. You know them. We judge them then give ourselves a mental pat on the back. We're Target moms.

And then...
* demure daughter is standing on top of the table in the public library screaming because it is fun to hear her own voice echo so loudly.
* what began as a simple request to put a toy away has turned into the next Waco standoff.
* the toddler is leaping/dangling out of the grocery cart while the newborn is screaming, and your purse just vomited all over the floor.
(true stories)

All of a sudden we feel like we should be wearing Faded Glory cut-offs and a great big banana clip.

No matter how put-together we try to appear as a mom, we all have those moments. The kids drank an extra dose of crazy juice and we're at the end. You can feel all eyes on you and how you are going to handle (or not handle) this discipline situation. The crazy part of your brain is swearing up and down those red aisles that this is the last time you'll ever attempt an outing again and the sane part is snorting in disbelief that you mom, yes you, turned this situation into a beast. Did it really need to be?

What I want to know is this: when do you dig in and when do you give in?