Wins and Losses: A Year in Review

2010. It came. It happened. It went. I'm not sure what I was doing because it seems to have begun and ended in the time it takes to inhale. Here and gone in a breath. A small one.

I drew a t-chart to sort the year's main events into either a "win" or a "loss" category, but soon abandoned that process. Each "win" was won with a fair share of sacrifice and each "loss" has a continued, untold story. Our year can't be hashed out, dichotomized neatly into my pro/con lists. It's a little more messy than a t-chart will allow.

This year; I jumped into a too-deep-project at church that I fully believed in, we were continually confronted with scary news about our unborn son's heart, we had a baby (a living, well, wonderful baby), said goodbye to Pa (Nate's grandpa), bought a car, couldn't find summer employment, made new friends, found mold growing in the house, replaced studs, drywall, and carpet to eradicate mold, began a bathroom remodel, put the remodel on hold, hosted a marrieds community group, went to Disneyland twice, watched Nate's parents separate, Nate finished his Masters program at USD, Selah Grace learned to talk really well,we celebrated five years of marriage, Nate got chemical burns on his fingers, I got mono, and no one slept more than a few hours at a time.

In a one word summary, I would call our 2010 tiring. Nate would call it turbulent because it was full of so many ups and downs.

To be completely honesty, I've spent the last month or so just waiting for this year to be over. I keep telling myself that next year I will be more rested. That next year I will be able to go to the grocery without buying a superfluous tin of Pillsbury orange rolls, but forgetting staples like bread and salsa. Next year I will remember to floss daily and have fashionable hair. Next year I will be a kind and respectful wife. Next year I will finally keep all the balls in the air...Even though I know this is a tragic lie, for the past few weeks I've been putting off milk runs and clenching my teeth in the hopes that the calendar will liberate me from this funk I've been in since mono kicked my heels and my pride out from under me.

We don't have any resolutions this year. Just a general desire to be restored in every sense of the word. To regain health and not feel so hopelessly over-tired. To allow gratitude to overshadow all the other stuff.

So goodbye 2010. Thank you for the beautiful blessing of our son. But you were a hard year to us, 2010, and we are ready to be done with you and are thankful that 2011 is no longer on the far horizon, but has stepped forward to meet us in the present.