Family Photo Shoot

Nate gave me the greatest Christmas present early - a family photo shoot. At a gorgeous place. With a super-talented photographer. Selah Grace definitely wins photo shoot MVP! (We did bribe her with a Chick-Fil-A ice cream cone, but mainly she's just an awesome two year old!)



Our photographer was friend, Katie Gardner. You can check her out here: katiegardnerphoto.com
And don't worry moms, you will get copies. We promise.

What did we learn from this?
1. Spending a wad of green on family pictures is 100% worth it! (To me at least. Nate probably has a different story.)
2. Take the shoot somewhere meaningful. The University of San Diego is where Nate and I met, became adults, fell in love, etc. and just happens to be gorgeous with a plethora of artsy areas that make for good photos. It's so fun to know the importance of the photo backdrop.
3. It's good to bribe small children to cooperate with special treats. But those are usually a mile and an hour away. Mini M&M rewards for obedience. That's even more helpful. Like puppy, like toddler.
4. Wear clothes you feel good in. I borrowed a few things for me and Selah to wear so we could feel cute and be weather-appropriate, because of course I was in the timeless feminine predicament of nothing (new) to wear. Nate wore his work clothes because he was thoughtfully dressing up, knowing how special these family portraits were for me. The negative of that is he looks alien to both of us. He is not a button-up-shirt type of guy. Next time we know that he should be in his Calle shorts and Sanuks.
5. Don't get your hair cut (a drastically different length) the day of the shoot. Girls, we all know this. I did anyway. That never ends well. So although I didn't love my hair I tried to remember the wise saying from one of the Hepburn girls about how a smile is the most beautiful thing a woman can put on.

A Friend Like Samwise

Although we've known each other for ten years, I love learning new things about my husband. This past week during our marrieds community group we were doing a simple icebreaker; if you could be any character from a movie, who would you pick? Nate's choice told a lot about his character. Out of all the glorified heroes and James Bonds found in Hollywood theater, Nate chose Samwise. Samwise Gamgee. Frodo's galumpy looking side-kick. Why? Because he is a loyal friend. A steady companion who will not turn back on a promise to help in the face of unknown danger and adversity. Samwise is there through it all to encourage, speak reason, and sometimes even physically carry his bestie, Frodo, along his journey. Even when the odds are terrifying. Even when he doesn't understand what's going on with his friend. Who doesn't want a friend like Samwise beside them? I'm thankful for mine.

Utility Knife: A Tool for Every Need

"You're the utility knife."

We all know not to compare. But...when you're surrounded by so many seemingly put together people it's hard not to. Through my eyes most of our friends have a clear understanding of what their very specific ministry is.

By contrast, I'm a dabbler. [dabbler: amateur, dilettante, layman, layperson; trifler, nonprofessional, nonspecialist] There is no one main target of ministry bursting forth from within me like a Care Bear stare beam of light illuminating what it is about to transform. I am involved in a number of things because I value them all and they all interconnect so strongly (marriage, motherhood, children) that I can't sever the lines of ministry between them.

Everyone else seems so sure about their very specific thing. Shouldn't I? But I don't.

It's good to have a straight-shooter husband. I verbalized my doubts to Nate and he reminded me that my desire and ability to jump into various arenas is not just okay, but needed. "You're the utility knife," he said. "People ask you to do lots of different things, because you get them done and can do them well."

It's good to be reminded that in the kitchen drawer of life there are tools for very specific purposes like the wine opener or the cheese grater, and then there is the utility knife that does a little bit of everything. I'm okay with that.

The Many Uses of Kotex

Selah, daughter after my own heart, enjoys a good interior design project. There's been a lot of parties the past few months between baby showers and birthdays and celebrating life with friends. Our home has been a joyous, colorful explosion of Martha Stewart pom-poms and flourishes of ribbon. Selah Grace has caught the decorating bug and embellishes our home with her unique touch.

Medium of choice? Kotex. Giant kotex. Pangea-sized, postpartum kotex. We find them lining the hallway like an absorbent, padded chair-rail and slapped onto bedroom doors.

Yes, it is strange. But Nate and I appreciate the blast of humor finding Selah's adhesive decorations around the house.

I prayed that God would bring a little laughter into our home right now while I'm sick and Nate's so busy. In response I got Kotex art from my two year old. Although it's weird, I think we'll leave them up for a while to remind ourselves to appreciate the joyful worldview of children and to laugh every once in a while.

Waving the White Flag

I battled. But it is time to surrender. I wave the white flag to the enemy I've been trying to keep at bay. I dug in obstinately. But now I'm seeing what peace is to be made in post-war negotiations.

My battle? Breastfeeding. Or breastfeeding a baby who prefers to eat from a bottle. Or breastfeeding a baby while wracked with mono. The logistics of pumping and bottle feeding were manageable. Only my pride wounded. Aren't babies supposed to want to breastfeed all day? Excessive water. Fenugreek. Strict pumping schedule. Fighting it.

The end of the war? My mono. It has completely done my body in. It takes food and fluids to support a healthy body and a healthy body to support a healthy breastmilk system. No input. No output. The science is that simple.

Here I am with the flag raised and a perplexed expression in the formula aisle.

A moment of silence for the loss of something I value that I can no longer give my son. Now facing forward and moving on.

Good reminder. Fill up before you give out. Otherwise...there's nothing left.

Modern Medicine

I am so thankful for modern medicine. And I'm so thankful for the people who use their God-given intelligence and intuition to use medicinal science. I'm sure that two hundred years ago I would be laying in bed with leaches on my body and an ornate nickel bowl under my wrist to get out the bad blood. Instead I'm being pumped full of fluids and pain relievers. Yes, modern medicine is a good thing.

There is one thing I respond to most at the doctor's office. Kindness. It sounds so simple, but can easily get overlooked in the name of efficiency. I have greatly appreciated the kindness of the nursing staff and doctors I've seen over the past week.



I have burst into tears instead of answers. I have thrust yellow legal pads under their noses when I couldn't talk. I have been a conundrum of non-rule-following symptoms. I have truly been all over the place physically and emotionally with them. But when they are kind it makes me feel like my illness is legitimate. Like it is fair for me to feel bad. Like somebody is going to move mountains until I am well.

A little kindness goes a long way.

In Sickness and For Worse

In sickness and for worse. That's where it feels like we are right now.

The good news is that I do not have chronic fatigue syndrome. Outlandish to even consider, you say? After two weeks of being continually wrecked and racked with TIRED, I was starting to consider the possibility. But it was only a quiet, distant whisper. I never said it out loud, because as we all know, verbalizing something makes it too real. Verbalizing something requires an active breath. Like the lips of God blowing into Adam's lungs; thoughts exhaled as words are given life and power.


The bad news is that I do have mono. Yeah, the middle school kissing disease. I have it. Exhaustion hit me one day. Two days later I was out with a horrible fever and I assumed I had some type of flu or virus. After a week of still feeling bad and waking up with a sore throat I was hopeful that I had strep. Yes, there is absurdity in hoping for strep throat. But there is also sanity. Strep is caused by bacteria and goes away with a few pops of antibiotics. Strep has an end.

Strep test. Negative. I mentioned my theory above and received a discourse on the dangers of taking antibiotics too often and how it isn't good for your body. Then the doctor told me I was just tired. Yes, doctor. I know I'm tired. I did not pay you to tell me that. There is something wrong with my body. I'm here for you to figure out what is wrong with me so I can start feeling better. (These were my thoughts.) At this point he launched into the benefits of 8 hrs uninterrupted sleep. And it was at about this point later that I sat staring at the arc of his cheekbones sobbing. Something is wrong, my body is telling me so. This man is telling me to do the one thing I physically can't do as a mom of a non-sleeping baby.
I dried up and left.

The right side and the left side of your throat should not touch the little dangly thingy in your mouth. But mine did so come Monday morning I found myself at my regular physician's office. After just a few seconds of looking at me and a few minutes of talking she called it. Mono. I did a follow up lab test with my blood to confirm.

Thank you, my regular doctor for: easily finding the correct diagnosis, saying that mono comes with "profound fatigue" (not the "you're just tired" business), taking away some of the guilt I've been feeling the past week about having a body too wrecked to produce enough breast milk for Josiah, telling me it is safe to take pain meds for my headaches, and that it is okay to not clean the house right now.

We're 2 weeks in. Another projected 4-6 weeks to go. I'm thankful to know this is going to be a while. I'm impatient so it's good to wake up knowing I'm going to be a distant shadow of my regular self instead of waking up frustrated. It's good for Nate to have these expectations too. In his words, I'm a "cranky,whiny, and needy" sick person. Yeah, I know.

In sickness and for worse. In mono and for cranky, whiny, needy.

Fall Visitors

My mom and stepdad, Lloyd, braved the long car ride from Oklahoma City to San Diego a few weeks ago. After a stop in New Mexico to visit friends and a stop at the Grand Canyon to be wowed by it's grandness, they arrived in our little corner of San Diego.

We enjoyed visiting with them. Selah Grace reveled in the delights of having a wider audience to share about her things and was also pleased to enfold them into her bedtime routines.

The kiddos at the pumpkin patch together.

Grandy and Selah making clay cookies at the Children's Museum.

Grandpa Lloyd and Selah drumming out beats on the elephant drums.

Some big kids playing on the big wheels contraptions!

Mmmm...grilled fish tacos in Point Loma!

Haste Makes Waste

Lately I've been examples #1 through 347 why this phrase is true. Frantic energy accomplishes nothing other than creating more situations to problem solve. My feeling a sense of urgency to give my kids an immediate response, to finally be on time somewhere, to maximize time and proceed with speed has only produced destruction this week. In an effort to make haste I made waste happen.

I:
...backed out of the garage...(before the garage door was fully open)
...dropped the coffee pot on the tile floor, shattering it to smitherings.
...forgot to pack a bottle nipple for Josiah's bottle, made a mad dash to store while out in order to get one, bought one, then found out after the store that it was the WRONG thing!
... forgot the grocery list and came home with kind of what we needed for the week

This morning a lady at the library commented on how calm I was while at story time with a baby strapped to my body and a 2yr old running around my feet. HA! If only she knew.

I don't like this hurried and harried business. I'm going to go back to taking it slow, most likely being late, responding to others when I can, and giving up the guilt about it. Any other way, I'm just building obstacles for myself to climb over. It's time to slow down.



If you must be in a hurry, then let it be according to the old adage, and hasten slowly. ~Saint Vincent de Paul

Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there someday. ~A.A. Milne

Josiah's 5 Months Old!

Happy 5 Month Birthday Josiah!

It's hard to believe we're here already. With Selah's birth it felt like our lives hit the eye of the storm; everything became eerily calm and for a short time life was muffled. With Josiah it doesn't feel like there was a break from "real life". There's been no time-outs and I'm sure the next time I blink I'll be sitting at his first birthday party wondering how we got there so fast.


Here's some of the things we love about 5 month old Josiah:
He gives us little baby face massages. When we hold him, Josiah enjoys smearing and squishing his fingers all over our cheeks, chin, lips, and noses. In the mornings, he's content to play in his crib for a little while as long as he has access to his feet which are his favorite toy! This kid is a snuggler and doesn't like to be alone in a room. Lately he's gotten pretty good at getting around by rolling front to back, then back to front and pretty much somersalts the entire breadth of a room. But most of all we love receiving his great big smiles!